To The Baby I've Never Met
To the baby I never met,
I’ve always dreamt of the day that those two little lines would appear and an urge of emotions would fulfill my body. I cried big ugly alligator tears filled with joy and excitement with a hint of nervousness. The thought of housing this tadpole that within months will emerge into the smallest of humans containing genetics from myself and my husband provided me with a new outlook on life.
Your creation brought a celebration to our family. We spent weeks revealing your anticipated arrival. Our families acknowledged your existance with passion and thrill. There were so many people anxiously awaiting your birth and the chance to hold you.
Your 12-week appointment is one that your father and I counted down the days to. It would be our first time witnessing your life on the ultrasound. We were eager to watch your heart flutter as at that very moment I speculate ours will be doing the exact same.
Bless the Nurse, all Nurses that are responsible for disclosing that empty screen and flutter less heartbeat.
We were given an insufficient amount of time with you but just enough to fall in love.
The following days were among the saddest and darkest of my life. I was forced to say goodbye before I had the chance to say hello. I hadn’t prepared myself to carry you in my heart instead of in my arms.
I never expected two little blue lines to bring such joy and although that joy was followed by pain, our children change us whether they live or not. You changed me.
You will always be my favorite rainbow.
P.S. Thank you for blessing us with your little sister, Remmie.
Following the loss of our baby, I was able to spend more time focusing on myself and a book that helped was Rachel Hollis' "Girl, Wash Your Face". If you haven't yet read this amazing book, I highly suggest it. You can purchase a copy here.
Lifestyle expert Rachel Hollis is the founder of the popular website TheChicSite.com and is the CEO of Chic Media. She is a regular contributor for HuffPost and PopSugar, and she has appeared on Today, Rachael, The Talk, Extra, and many other programs. She lives in Austin, Texas, with her husband and four children.