Mother's Day as a Stepmom

Mother’s Day can be so uncomfortable for stepmom’s, like really freaking uncomfortable because when you feel you should be acknowledged as a stepmom but your stepkids or husband doesn’t acknowledge you on Mother’s Day, that can be super awkward.

Quite frankly, I don’t really remember the first couple of Mother’s Day’s with Deagan. He was obviously with his mom but I don’t remember if I received a gift or was even acknowledged. I was young, like 21-22 and that was almost a decade ago so who heck knows or cares but I do know that nowadays I’m recognized.

Here’s how our blended family tackles Mother’s Day:

*quick disclaimer, we have a good relationship so I may not be much help. I’ve also been in my stepson’s life for 9 years so all the good drama was so five years ago. We are probably boring and that is ok with me.

Prior to Mother’s Day, I always take it upon myself to get my stepson a gift for his mom on Mother’s Day. I think it’s SUPER important to show him that I want to recognize her as a mom and show my appreciation for sharing her baby with me.

When it comes to the investment of the gift, we usually spend around $20 - $30 on her gift. There have been times where he chooses a $10 gift because he finds something he really thinks she would like at a reasonable price - she loves it either way. The investment of the gift is not important to their mom, trust me (and if it was then I personally wouldn’t get her anything) but the recognition and thought are what counts.

I also believe it’s important for my husband to recognize Deagan’s mom on Mother’s Day. I think it would be great for him and Deagan to go shopping for a gift or a card but my husband doesn’t. Not because he’s cruel or doesn’t appreciate her, that’s just my husband and that’s the only explanation I have for that. I would assume he shoots her a text but then again, that’s on him, not me.

This year Deagan asked for cash because he plans to take his mom to a movie and indulge in candy and popcorn - sounds like a freaking blast and I’m jealous (besides the fact that they are seeing a Marvel movie and that’s not my thing)! I don’t think Deagan would ever come up with the idea of taking me to a movie like he would with his mom and that’s ok! I honestly don’t think he would ever think to buy me a Mother’s Day gift if it wasn’t for his Dad or Mom and that’s ok too!

You have to remember that you are the stepmom AND you are important BUT you may not always be the first thought. These stepkids won’t appreciate all that you do until they realize that it’s not a walk in the park. I don’t expect my 12-year-old stepson to understand how I feel in certain situations because he’s a kid.

If you take away anything from this blog post I hope it’s that you don’t sweat it if the kids don’t recognize all that you do on Mother’s Day because someday they will and truly appreciate it then. For now, celebrate Mother’s Day yourself. Did you hear that? TREAT YOURSELF! Get a massage, pedicure, buy a new purse or go see a dang Marvel movie yourself and sneak in a bottle of wine!

Ok, rant over.

When it comes to the actual day, depending on if he’s with us that weekend, he’ll either wake up at our house and we will celebrate first thing in the morning or he’ll come over at some point in the day to celebrate for an hour or so. We open gifts then just hang out.

I told you, we’re kind of boring - no juicy Jerry Springer gossip here.

I would like to add an interesting conversation that my husband and I had recently. Deagan is with us this weekend and my husband mentioned bringing him to his mom’s on Sunday morning (the morning of Mother’s Day) and I said, “why don’t you bring him Saturday evening so he can wake up in the morning with his mom.” I picture like pancakes in bed with hot coffee and no distractions. Don’t get me wrong, I want to see my stepson on Mother’s Day - it feels empty without him but now that I have Remmie, the thought of not having her wake up with me on Mother’s Day is devastating. That’s exactly what I told my husband. Um, Remmie will never spend Mother’s Day with your girlfriends if we divorce.

I put myself in her position and now that I have my own baby I appreciate the fact that she lets Deagan see me at all on Mother’s Day MORE because I don’t think I could do it. I just couldn’t imagine not having that little human I pushed out of my minnie (my family’s name for your girl parts) with me on a day dedicated to me, her mother!

So, if you don’t get to see your stepchildren on Mother’s Day because their mother doesn’t want to share, don’t be offended. I would be that mother! I would not share! OR give it time. If you are new a stepmama not being recognized on Mother’s Day that’s ok, all good things come with time.

Keep on trucking, stepmama and know that you are truly special. This gig isn’t for the weak but for those that like to drink a lot ;)

bethann gondeck